Colm Brady

The Prom Introduction

The guard fetched his battered notebook from his jacket.
"So the disturbance was last night then"
"We were asleep , werent we Gerry?"
The long suffering Husband glanced away.
"Well I wasn’t quite asleep , I was reading a book about the great war and…"
"Well anyway we were in bed at an hour when most decent people were asleep when the racket started. I think it was about 1.17 am when I heard the commotion from the street. The man next door"
"Mister Dunne" said the guard as he scribbled.
"Skipper" added the husband.
"Whatever" said Nora "He was in that Blazer and trousers he wears to collect his pension. He was drunk and carrying a takeaway in a plastic bag and singing"
"Red Sails in the sunset"
"He was with an older woman (not as old as him mind) who spends a lot of time in a pub up the road"
"She is a regular at the Karaoke" said Gerry
Nora polished her pioneer pin as she looked at him with scorn.
"I shouted down at him to keep quiet that people were trying to sleep.Next thing his girlfriend called me an oul trout – there was more but I wont repeat it here"
"Was that it?"
"Well he quietened her down and says excuse my lady friend – some lady I say"
"Did they go inside?"
"After he dropped his keys a few times then couldn’t find the lock"
"Have you ever had trouble from Mr Dunne before?"
"Well he doesn’t go to mass and he talks about crazy places like Shanghai and Manilla"
"Well I am afraid we cant do much but call us if it happens again"
Nora raised her eyes and reached for her coat – the church flowers wouldn’t arrange themselves.
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Skipper turned to the clock Saturday afternoon – he knew it was Saturday because his brain seemed to be making a dash for freedom through the front of his head. His mouth tasted like a goat had slept there and possibly was still in residence. He started to piece together the previous day.
He had collected his pension and was grunted at by the postmaster. The next customer had achieved local celebrity by witnessing an apparition in a vacant flat. The young lads around knew it was Jamesie Burke lighting an aerosol but that wasn’t as good a story.
He was nearly home when the smell of stale beer and detergent hit him. Outside McNamaras there was a white van with a half-eaten filling station roll on the dash. The van side proclaimed that it was the property of one P.O’Reilly - Tiler.
Skipper nodded to himself and entered the dark bar. It was decorated with Glasgow Celtic Memorobilia –McNamaras only concession to interior design. McNamara postulated, after a lifetime selling alcohol ,that the pub should be dark and the pub should be cheap. That was pretty much it he reckoned.
A young man sat at the bar reading a paperback– his name was Naoise and he drove the van for the Prom. The proms motoring career had ended in a duel between a transit van and two Garda Ford mondeos out on the Gort road one glorious morning. Naoise was repeating exams in the University and the job suited both of them. Naoise could drive sober and keep quiet – neither feat the prom had yet mastered.
There was an explosion of profanity as the Prom entered roaring into his mobile phone.
His mother had given him the name Prometheus Michael O’Reilly but he was universally known as The Prom.
"That hateful hoor in Oranmore says if we’re not out there today he will give the job to someone else – arah howiya skipper"
"Well Prom – business going well?"
"Great but I wish I’d never moved out of here - that woman …."
Naoise piped up that the Prom had never really moved out to the suburbs as he drank here practically every afternoon.
"Sure the young fella has no idea – could have ten vans on the road if I wanted to I could"
"But who would drive them?" asked the young lad insolently.
"Never mind that - give us two pints of porter, two Powers and a fizzy water for the young pain in the hole"
As McNamara went to work on the pints Skipper eyed the book in the young lads hand.
"What are you reading there"
The young lad grimaced and flicked up the cover of the radical tome. Before he could speak he was interrupted by his employer.
"Its about some french lad who keeps a cat in a box – bit like Paul Shagging Daniels"
"Well men are you around for the karaoke tonight"
The Prom looked to Skipper who shook his head quickly – he needed to get the shopping in first.
"Yer wan is singing in the final tonight – I think she has a thing for Skipper " leered McNamara.
Skipper gave in and nodded to the Proms generous offer – he could do the shopping tomorrow.

posted by Colm Brady @ 10:18 PM